09.12.08
Posted in Life In General at 8:28 pm by CreditMom
The latest Palin buzz (after the lipstick on a pig comment) is a debate about Governor Palin’s decision to return to work only 3 days after she gave birth to her youngest baby. See post on msnbc.com. Now, I’m not going to make this a political post, nor will I share my November voting preference…it really has no bearing on this topic. Rather, it is my intention to point out why this most recent debate is so relevant to me as a career woman, wife and mom who is trying to teach her kids a thing or two about financial and social responsibility.
When or if a woman chooses to return to work after pregnancy is no one’s decision but hers. Why do people feel they know what is best for each individual? And, why should the timing of her return even be relevant to this election? What happened to personal choice, doing what’s best for your family, responsibility, PAYING YOUR BILLS, etc.? Should the fact that Governor Palin returned from leave 3 days or 3 months after child birth be detrimental to other working moms that would like to remain on leave longer? NO….why should it? Women need to weigh many things when deciding if and when to return to work. Women need to make their own CHOICES and here are some of the things we wrestle with:
- Finances - Can I afford to be out of work for an extended period of time? If your finances or standard of living do not support it, you might have to come back to work earlier.
- Company policy - What is the maternity leave policy at my job? Are paid maternity benefits offered? There is the standard Family Medical Leave Act that offers 12 weeks of UNPAID medical leave for pregnancy and guarantees a “like” position upon return but if finances are an issue, 3 months off without pay isn’t going to help much.
- Career Interests - Where am I in my career? Are you still climbing the corporate ladder? Is there someone waiting in the wings to take your place? Are you going to be out of work at a critical period of time, i.e. budget season? How long have you worked at the company? What is your boss’ expectations about your maternity leave? Both my maternity leaves took place during budget season - not the best timing. Since my contribution was critical to the decision making process I began working part time from home one week after both deliveries. I knew I was ultimately returning to work full time and developing the budget numbers tied into my annual goals and objectives. In fact when I returned, I was actually promoted!
- Home Resources - What sort of care can I obtain for my child? Can you get reliable and affordable help? Can your husband take some time off and share in the care taking as well? Caring for your child is no longer just the mom’s role as many women are now in equally if not higher paying jobs as men.
- What’s Best For Your Child - What is best for my child? Only you know the answer to that question. I’ll just offer one piece of advice: a happy woman makes a happy mother so listen to your feelings.
So how does this tie into the lessons I am teaching my children? I feel we are sending a positive message when a mom explains to her children that she needs to quickly return to work so she can contribute to the household. We should not be judging mothers who return to work after 3 days, 3 months or 3 years. Would we rather tell our kids we’re losing our house due to credit card debt while mom stays home? What about the women who don’t necessarily need to go back to work but return because they desire financial independence and security? Aren’t we being positive role models for our children? Or do we still live in the days where money messages are best left to the men?
Whew! I’m anxious to hear your feedback on this one!!
Permalink
09.06.08
Posted in Kids and Money at 11:25 pm by CreditMom
I’m learning about children and allowance as I go. There are a lot of people that pay money for chores for children, others require their children work outside the home to earn money and another parenting style is to provide allowance for no return in responsibilities at all. I don’t pass judgment on any one because I believe what works for one family may not work for another. We have chosen the allowance tied to chores approach and through some bumps and bruises it seems to be working. Here are my tips if you decide to go this route.
- Identify chores with clear deliverables. Chores should not consist of making beds and cleaning up after themselves. Chores are responsibilities above and beyond the day to day such as laundry, picking up after the dog, taking out the trash, cleaning up the kitchen.
- Have your child “own” their chores. With 3 kids we like to avoid as much conflict as possible. Therefore it’s one person to a chore and that chore is consistent from week to week. They each might have more than one chore but there’s no sharing. At some point they may want to rotate, but as my husband says, “let’s leave well enough alone.”
- Set a regular payment schedule. Our kids get paid every Sunday. This forces them to budget their money for the week so they have something left for next weekend. Make sure you pay the promised amount and you pay on time. Responsibility works both ways.
- Teach them to budget their expenses. Our children put aside money for savings and spending (bus fare, lunch, ice cream, snacks, etc.). Our 14 year old enjoys going out on the weekend and parses out his money into 3 envelopes labeled, “Savings”, “Spending”, “Weekend”. This has been working well and gives him ownership of his finances. In fact, this week, the ice cream truck stopped at our house and instinctively my kids ran outside expecting me to give them money. They looked at me, I looked back at them and they said, “oh right, our allowance.” Let’s just say 2 ran back for their wallets and the 14 year old decided he wasn’t really in the mood for ice cream after all. Priorities are very interesting when it comes from their own wallets.
- If they don’t do their chores, don’t pay them. This is pretty simple but some think I’m nuts. Bottom line is do your chores and you get paid. You don’t do your chores and you don’t get paid. Learning involves consequences. My kids all learned by having their allowance deducted for chores not done. There was one situation when twin A did twin B’s chores. Well….twin A received twin B’s allowance and twin B got nothing. Now twin B is working his little butt off. Develop good habits now and they will be good employees later.
- Open up bank accounts. Take them to the bank to make deposits. My kids love watching their savings grow. This week each of them took their piggy banks to Commerce Bank and cashed in all of their coins. Between all 3 they saved up over $200. I allowed them to spend $10 each and the rest went back into savings. This is one of the best lessons in showing kids how saving even as little as pennies a day adds up.
- Don’t leave home without it! It took a while but they finally know they must always carry a wallet. We do wallet checks before we leave the house. They’re finally figuring it out.
- Be flexible. Don’t forget they’re kids and learn best when having fun and taking ownership. So be flexible, if your child absolutely despises taking out the trash give him something else to do…it’s just not worth it…don’t lose site of the overall message you want to achieve. There are so many ways a child can help out…we have one son that likes to clean up the dog poop!
Like I said, this approach seems to be working for us right now, but we’re certainly open to suggestions and hearing about your ideas for teaching your children about financial responsibility.
Permalink
08.30.08
Posted in Kids and Money at 9:10 am by CreditMom
After much discussion about whether or not we could financially justify a summer vacation, we decided in favor and took a trip to the shore this week. We cut our vacation down to 4 nights because we spent a lot of money sending our 3 kids to summer sleepaway camp this year.
When going on a family vacation, there are certain things that I will compromise on and other things are non-negotiable. Obviously the room has to be super clean (the key word being “room”, thus camping is definitely out of the question). Aside from that, if we’re going to the shore, the hotel must be directly on the beach, the room large enough to accommodate a family of 5 (we don’t want to pay for 2 rooms) and it must have a pool. A washer and dryer is nice too but I can deal without it if needed. We have long ago realized that the words “luxury” and “family vacation” do not belong in the same sentence. So aside from those few things, we feel we’re pretty simple and budget conscious.
So what did this simple 4 nights/5 days mini vacation cost us? A whopping $1800!!! That doesn’t include the back to school clothes we purchased for the kids at the factory outlets we visited one rainy day. How did we ring up an $1800 bill? It was really quite easy. Actually what was hard was not ringing up a $2000 bill! Here you go:
Hotel $665 (4 nights)
Gas/Tolls $140
Food $650 (including dining out, groceries, snacks)
Entertainment $137 (go karts, mini golf etc)
Dog Sitter $200
Total $1792
Was it worth the $450 per night? Definitely. Our children are getting older and soon won’t want to go on vacation with us, in fact our 14 year old came along kicking and screaming because he wanted to stay home and “hang out” with his friends. But more importantly, these are the experiences and memories they will remember forever and reminisce about with their own children. They’re not going to remember the latest PS2 game or I touch or the latest style of sneakers they just had to have. Those are just things that will fade as fast as they came in. But the experiences we provide them with now will shape and mold their future and hopefully make them finer individuals (ok I can be hopeful!). If these little “mini vacations” accomplish that then they are definitely worth it. What do you think? Do you sometimes spend ridiculous amounts of money on “experiences”?
Permalink
08.28.08
Posted in Kids and Money at 8:48 pm by CreditMom
Our 14 year old just completed week 2 on a budget. To recap, week one he was given $50 to do a list of chores outside the typical “clean your room responsiblities”. Week 2, he was given $40 because he missed 2 chores on week one. We gave him the money on Sunday in order to teach him to budget his money for the next weekend. On week one, he had money left over to roll into week two.
During the 2nd week he bought an ITunes gift card, saw a movie and bought some miscellaneous snack items. When Friday came, he had $8 left in his wallet (the $8 was in addition to the money he is required to put in the bank each week). This posed a problem since he had already made plans for both Friday and Saturday nights.
On Friday he asked me for his weekly allowance and I reminded him that he doesn’t get it until Sunday. For some reason he drew a blank on this one - that was a fun conversation. I told him he has $8 left to stretch over 2 days and to be creative because he was not getting any money from us until Sunday. In addition, he was not permitted to take money out of his savings. Thankfully he did all of his chores this week so he could expect the full payment of $50 on week three.
So, he figured out how to have his cake and eat it too. He went to Starbucks to hang out with his friends Friday and only spent $3. On Saturday he went to Rockwells Restaurant and only ordered an ice cream dessert for $5 while every one else ordered dinner.
Did I feel bad? I must admit for a second I did feel bad but I got over it pretty quickly. The reason? We just taught him his first real life budgeting lesson and I saved myself money because a couple of weeks ago I would have just fished out another $20.
How disciplined are you with your approach to allowance? Do you find it hard to hold the line?
Permalink
08.24.08
Posted in Kids and Money at 11:13 am by CreditMom
As I sit here preparing for my last post before we go on a much needed family vacation, many ideas run through my mind. Do I blog about my son’s struggle budgeting his weekly allowance? Or the pile of bills waiting to be paid before we leave? What about the $200 I just deposited at Staples for the twins’ school supplies (we haven’t even gotten to the 14 year old’s supplies yet) or do I write about how we’re going to pay for our vacation without going into credit card debt? What is it about taking a vacation that creates a pool of stress?
The underlying theme is the same. How do you manage when the cost of your everyday expenses keeps increasing? What do you cut back on? I feel we live a pretty simple life but I guess it’s all relative. We don’t drive luxury cars or live in a luxury home. We don’t take exotic vacations (this one is a road trip to the Maryland shore). Our weekly food bill has increased by over $20 a week , gasoline prices are…well we won’t even go there, and even school supplies have increased exponentially! I mean what happened to the Staples August sale this year??
How do you do it without getting into credit card debt? I swear by my debit card because I feel it’s the closest thing to cash. If I don’t have it in the bank, I can’t put it on the card, plain and simple.
Well, in reading over this post I realize I DO need a vacation! So I’ll leave you with that and when I return I’ll let you know how we managed this vacation on a budget.
Permalink
08.19.08
Posted in Kid's Responsibilities at 1:22 pm by CreditMom
Almost a month ago I posted about my twins’ desire to replace their broken RockBand drums. I’d love to say they have earned the money for new replacement drums by hard and earnest work but I can’t say that. Granted they were away in summer sleepaway camp for a month giving them few work opportunities but the urgency is just not there yet.
When I last wrote, one twin was scooping poop and enjoying it while the other was performing more adhoc requests like laundry. The good news is my poop scooping twin is still scooping (not necessarily enjoying it but I guess given the nature of the job I can’t fault him) and still getting paid. The bad news is my adhoc twin is still negotiating the chores he would like to do. The problem is he really doesn’t want to do any chores so he doesn’t have much leverage here. So one twin is getting an allowance and the other is not.
Here is the fun part. The scooper twin has enough allowance for his share of the RockBand drums. Since the adhoc twin hasn’t earned much, he does not have enough money to cover his share. While in Target, scooper twin asked if we can buy the RockBand drums. Unfortunately I had to tell him no because his brother did not do his share and perhaps he speak with him and encourage him to get off his butt and start doing something around the house.
Ok, I know what you’re thinking…bad parenting. I’m pitting one son (twins to make matters worse!) against the other and they’ll be emotionally destroyed for life. My response is Get a Grip! Adhoc twin (although I love him dearly) needs a kick in the pants to start thinking and acting responsibly and who better to deliver that message than his now frustrated twin brother – in fact if you listen closely you just might be able to hear the conversation right now. Kids need to understand consequences and accept responsiblity from an early age. If we just replace the drums they broke what are we teaching them? Stay tuned……
Permalink
08.15.08
Posted in Kids and Money at 10:19 pm by CreditMom
All of 3 of our children have cell phones - even the 10 year old twins. Why did we decide to buy them mobile phones at such a young age? It’s pretty simple. We want to be able to contact them at any time. Call us helicopter parents or over protective. We really don’t care. We want to be within earshot of our children whenever they are not home.
So, here are 6 things you should consider before purchasing a cell phone for your child.
- Cost of Cell Phone - Adding 3 lines to our plan was not cheap. It cost $10 extra per line plus some pretty hefty taxes when added to the family plan. But this is a good way to tie in allowance and good behavior. If they don’t do their chores they lose their phones.
- Added features - Your child likes to text? Add $10 per month for unlimited text messaging. Your loved one likes to surf the web, e-mail, download music and games? The sky is the limit on that one, ranging from a couple of dollars per month to another down payment on a house! Much to our children’s disappointment we have blocked all web access and digital download applications from their cell phones. Our teen has unlimited text and the twins have no text at all (if you listen closely you might be able to hear the fighting in our house).
- Phone Privacy - We immediately listed their phones on the National Do Not Call Registry but it didn’t stop the credit collectors from repeatedly calling our 10 year old because his phone number was originally registered to someone that didn’t like to pay his bills. Thankfully he didn’t erase the phone numbers and we were able to get his number off of the calling list. Also, we don’t allow our children to store any personal information (addresses, passwords, locations etc) in their phones in case they are stolen.
- Safety - Kids and cell phones are a haven for sexual predators who are looking for a receptive chid on the other end. This happened to my friend’s daughter and she was smart enough to not engage in the conversation and not erase the phone number. Our children answer calls from their contact list only and ignore un-recognizeable and restricted numbers. We also make sure our chidren do not erase unknown numbers. In addition, many companies like Verizon offer parental GPS tracking which notifies the parent when their child has left the zone they have pre-programmed. We haven’t added it so I’m not sure how effective this is but if any one uses it I would love to hear about your experience.
- Using the Phone in School - This is a really tough one. Most schools do not allow cell phone usage. Besides being a distraction and downright rude, the schools do not allow cell phones because some kids use text messaging to cheat on tests, send bullying messages to others and even take unauthorized pictures of other kids in the bathroom. However, our older son takes public transportation to school. So what do we do? We allow him to leave his phone on while commuting and he must shut it off when he arrives at school. Does he listen..NO WAY! And that would be why the dean once confiscated his phone. Let’s just say life was not very good for him when I got that phone call at work.
- Responsibility - My favorite. We learned the hard way about setting ground rules. Let’s face it, having their own cell phones makes it easier to make phone calls at will. I don’t know whether it’s independence or novelty but something comes over them when that phone is in hand. Like the time our 10 year old called his best friend’s house for a play date at 1 AM and his friend’s father automatically started getting dressed because he thought there was an emergency in our house. Or when we caught our 14 year old doing his homework, reading and sending text messages at the same time. The good thing is the cell phone is very portable and easy to confiscate for quick (and very meaningful) punishments.
Of course at the end of the day, purchasing a cell phone for your child is a personal decision that may not be right for every one. Most children want one because it’s cool and certainly not to stay in touch with Mommy and Daddy. There is a compromise however, and as a working mom with 3 children wanting their independence, it is our well worth it peace of mind.
So what do you think of cell phones for kids? When would you allow the first cell phone and what limitations would you impose?
Permalink
08.11.08
Posted in Kid's Responsibilities at 10:10 am by CreditMom
My son is not getting a nose job any time soon. Sure, he does want rhinoplasty to fix his nose, which I think looks just fine but NO, it’s not happening. Why? Well besides the fact that he’s only 14, has broken it twice (once traveling head first down a water slide and the other time colliding with his brother’s head as they were boxing) and is still immature in physical and mental growth, it’s incredibly expensive.
The cost of medical and dental insurance for our family of 5 per year is $4000. That does not include out of pocket co pays, prescription and over the counter drugs, gas, tolls, parking, medical supplies and emergency room fees (which are pretty high when you have 3 boys).
Just for kicks, I asked a friend of mine at NewImage.com for the average cost of rhinoplasty. The rhionplasty surgery itself is roughly $4500 plus operating room fees and anesthesia. Since my son recently broke his nose we know that anesthesia for 80 minutes was $1800. So, I’m thinking a round about figure is roughly between $8000 - $10,000 when you factor in all of the above, plus follow up doctor visits and other miscellaneous costs that we never think of when we’re planning. Let’s not even get into the down time and recovery period.
So what’s a boy to do when he isn’t happy with his nose?
- Stop acting reckless - continuing to break your nose is not going to get you a free nose job by insurance standards. It’s just going to get you one messed up nose leaving you longing for your original less crooked one.
- Mature - This is perhaps the toughest one. Start taking responsibility for your body and actions. Think about the consequences before you enter into a situation. Boxing your brother? Did you ever see what a boxer’s nose looks like???? With 3 boys I sometimes think this is an impossibility.
- Grow Up - Our plastic surgeon told us that boys need to be at least 16 before he will even consider plastic surgery. Besides taking into account points 1 and 2 above, their noses are still growing (my son just loved to hear this) and having plastic surgery too early could really harm a child’s nose in the long run.
- Self Confidence - Ok, I know I’m his mom but I feel my son is a pretty good looking kid and doesn’t need any work done to his face at all. He needs to stop focusing on his weaknesses and work on his strengths. I keep telling him when you are self confident you are beautiful but he’s a teen and it’s going to take a while for this to sink in (again see points 1 and 2 above).
- Get a Job!- If you really feel after all of these steps that you cannot live another minute with your nose, then sorry kid but you’re going to have to cough up some money for it. Your twin brothers are doing a countdown to their new RockBand drums. Well, start a countdown to your nose job. We’re willing to pay for some of it as a combined birthday/holiday gift but we’re not footing the whole thing.
Any one else have a young teen in the same situation? What do you advise?
Permalink
08.10.08
Posted in Kids and Team Sports at 1:15 pm by CreditMom
Our 3 boys are very active in team sports. Our 14 year old swims year round on a swim team and the 10 year old twins play both in baseball leagues and basketball leagues. Let’s be realistic, they’re probably not going to the Olympics but we seem to spend a lot of money on youth sports.
Take swimming for example. Now there is a sport that should be relatively inexpensive. I mean how much does it cost for a Speedo and pair of goggles right? Actually, the Speedo and goggles are the least of the cost, with pool fees and insurance comprising the majority.
So here is an annual breakdown of our 3 children’s teams sports. Keep in mind fees increase as they become older and more competitive. And, if they decide to play additional sports such as football and hockey this will become exponentially higher.
Swimming:
Swim Team $2100 Swim Team Membership Sept - June
$ 270 9 Swimsuits
$ 60 3 Pair Goggles
$2430 Total not including gas to transport to and from meets/practices
Baseball $380 Fall/Spring League Fees for 2 kids
$ 60 1 Pair per year for 2 kids
$440 Total not including equipment start up for 2 kids
(Add another $410 for mitt, bat, batting helmet, chest protector, athletic support and batting gloves. These items last for a few years).
Basketball $100 League Fees for 2 kids
$ 90 3 Pairs shorts each for 2 kids
$ 40 1 BB shirt each for 2 kids
$100 1 Pair Athletic Sneakers each for 2 kids
$330 Total for 2 kids
Total $3200 Per year for team sports for 3 children
Here are some tips to cut costs:
- Shop for end of season bargains on equipment. It’s amazing what you can find at the end of baseball season. Buy a size bigger and put it away.
- Shop and hold garage sales. Sell your children’s used bats, mitts, etc. and apply that money towards new age appropriate equipment.
- Accept hand me downs. Because kids’ feet grow so fast, they outgrow cleats very quickly. Most kids wear a pair of cleats for only one season and are generally hardly used.
- Use league equipment. Does your child really need his/her own bat and helmet? The league does provide equipment from donations if you choose to use this option.
- Carpool to meets/practices especially when they are not local. With gas over $4 a gallon this can add up.
- Provide your own snacks and water. Although it’s much easier to stop at the hot dog cart, this adds up when you’re stopping two to three times per week. Bring a sandwich and drink and treat your child to something less expensive like an ice cream.
- Negotiate. For the most part league fees are what they are but sometimes having multiple children will work in your favor. It doesn’t hurt to ask.
- Volunteer. Become involved. Number one, it’s a great bonding experience for you and your child and number two, it helps with number 7 (negotiate) above!
I guess we should be happy they haven’t tried out for the football team yet. How do you minimize cost on your children’s team sports?
Permalink
08.05.08
Posted in Kid's Responsibilities at 12:06 pm by CreditMom
My 3 kids came home from summer sleepaway camp on Friday along with their 9 loads of laundry. My 14 year old’s first statement was, “Mom, how are you going to do all this laundry?” Without missing a beat I said, “I’m not, YOU are!” That pretty much put an end to our blissful 4 weeks of relaxation while the kids were in summer camp.
After a month of a clean house, peace and harmony and dining out, my husband and I were quickly snapped back into reality with that one comment. The twins, while in sleepaway camp, hadn’t slept in the same room in a month so they were already at each other’s throats and my 14 year old immediately became surgically attached to his Mac notebook.
We gave them the weekend to come down from their summer camp high and then we snapped them back into reality with a family meeting last night. So here is the non-negotiable deal we presented to them.
Chores: Pretty simple: do your designated chores without prompting or you don’t get allowance. If you don’t get allowance, then on the weekend, when you want to see that movie, there won’t be any money to see it. Oh and by the way, children’s chores do not consist of making beds and wiping down the toilet after use…those fall under responsibilities below.
Responsibilities: Also pretty simple: responsibilities come first, privileges come as a result of responsibilities. You didn’t clean up the kitchen, bathroom or family room? Well, there’s no TV, no computer, no playing outside and certainly no video games until that’s done. If you don’t bring your wallet with you, there are no purchases and the response to “but Mom I’ll pay you back when I get home” is “NO.”
Conservation: Leave the lights on or the water running and it’s 50c each offense. It’s not a bottomless pit and our kids need to understand this.
As I re-read this post it seems pretty logical to me. Now to enforce it. Why can’t it ever be as easy at it sounds???
Permalink
« Previous entries · Next entries »