08.19.08
Posted in Kid's Responsibilities at 1:22 pm by CreditMom
Almost a month ago I posted about my twins’ desire to replace their broken RockBand drums. I’d love to say they have earned the money for new replacement drums by hard and earnest work but I can’t say that. Granted they were away in summer sleepaway camp for a month giving them few work opportunities but the urgency is just not there yet.
When I last wrote, one twin was scooping poop and enjoying it while the other was performing more adhoc requests like laundry. The good news is my poop scooping twin is still scooping (not necessarily enjoying it but I guess given the nature of the job I can’t fault him) and still getting paid. The bad news is my adhoc twin is still negotiating the chores he would like to do. The problem is he really doesn’t want to do any chores so he doesn’t have much leverage here. So one twin is getting an allowance and the other is not.
Here is the fun part. The scooper twin has enough allowance for his share of the RockBand drums. Since the adhoc twin hasn’t earned much, he does not have enough money to cover his share. While in Target, scooper twin asked if we can buy the RockBand drums. Unfortunately I had to tell him no because his brother did not do his share and perhaps he speak with him and encourage him to get off his butt and start doing something around the house.
Ok, I know what you’re thinking…bad parenting. I’m pitting one son (twins to make matters worse!) against the other and they’ll be emotionally destroyed for life. My response is Get a Grip! Adhoc twin (although I love him dearly) needs a kick in the pants to start thinking and acting responsibly and who better to deliver that message than his now frustrated twin brother – in fact if you listen closely you just might be able to hear the conversation right now. Kids need to understand consequences and accept responsiblity from an early age. If we just replace the drums they broke what are we teaching them? Stay tuned……
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08.11.08
Posted in Kid's Responsibilities at 10:10 am by CreditMom
My son is not getting a nose job any time soon. Sure, he does want rhinoplasty to fix his nose, which I think looks just fine but NO, it’s not happening. Why? Well besides the fact that he’s only 14, has broken it twice (once traveling head first down a water slide and the other time colliding with his brother’s head as they were boxing) and is still immature in physical and mental growth, it’s incredibly expensive.
The cost of medical and dental insurance for our family of 5 per year is $4000. That does not include out of pocket co pays, prescription and over the counter drugs, gas, tolls, parking, medical supplies and emergency room fees (which are pretty high when you have 3 boys).
Just for kicks, I asked a friend of mine at NewImage.com for the average cost of rhinoplasty. The rhionplasty surgery itself is roughly $4500 plus operating room fees and anesthesia. Since my son recently broke his nose we know that anesthesia for 80 minutes was $1800. So, I’m thinking a round about figure is roughly between $8000 - $10,000 when you factor in all of the above, plus follow up doctor visits and other miscellaneous costs that we never think of when we’re planning. Let’s not even get into the down time and recovery period.
So what’s a boy to do when he isn’t happy with his nose?
- Stop acting reckless - continuing to break your nose is not going to get you a free nose job by insurance standards. It’s just going to get you one messed up nose leaving you longing for your original less crooked one.
- Mature - This is perhaps the toughest one. Start taking responsibility for your body and actions. Think about the consequences before you enter into a situation. Boxing your brother? Did you ever see what a boxer’s nose looks like???? With 3 boys I sometimes think this is an impossibility.
- Grow Up - Our plastic surgeon told us that boys need to be at least 16 before he will even consider plastic surgery. Besides taking into account points 1 and 2 above, their noses are still growing (my son just loved to hear this) and having plastic surgery too early could really harm a child’s nose in the long run.
- Self Confidence - Ok, I know I’m his mom but I feel my son is a pretty good looking kid and doesn’t need any work done to his face at all. He needs to stop focusing on his weaknesses and work on his strengths. I keep telling him when you are self confident you are beautiful but he’s a teen and it’s going to take a while for this to sink in (again see points 1 and 2 above).
- Get a Job!- If you really feel after all of these steps that you cannot live another minute with your nose, then sorry kid but you’re going to have to cough up some money for it. Your twin brothers are doing a countdown to their new RockBand drums. Well, start a countdown to your nose job. We’re willing to pay for some of it as a combined birthday/holiday gift but we’re not footing the whole thing.
Any one else have a young teen in the same situation? What do you advise?
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08.05.08
Posted in Kid's Responsibilities at 12:06 pm by CreditMom
My 3 kids came home from summer sleepaway camp on Friday along with their 9 loads of laundry. My 14 year old’s first statement was, “Mom, how are you going to do all this laundry?” Without missing a beat I said, “I’m not, YOU are!” That pretty much put an end to our blissful 4 weeks of relaxation while the kids were in summer camp.
After a month of a clean house, peace and harmony and dining out, my husband and I were quickly snapped back into reality with that one comment. The twins, while in sleepaway camp, hadn’t slept in the same room in a month so they were already at each other’s throats and my 14 year old immediately became surgically attached to his Mac notebook.
We gave them the weekend to come down from their summer camp high and then we snapped them back into reality with a family meeting last night. So here is the non-negotiable deal we presented to them.
Chores: Pretty simple: do your designated chores without prompting or you don’t get allowance. If you don’t get allowance, then on the weekend, when you want to see that movie, there won’t be any money to see it. Oh and by the way, children’s chores do not consist of making beds and wiping down the toilet after use…those fall under responsibilities below.
Responsibilities: Also pretty simple: responsibilities come first, privileges come as a result of responsibilities. You didn’t clean up the kitchen, bathroom or family room? Well, there’s no TV, no computer, no playing outside and certainly no video games until that’s done. If you don’t bring your wallet with you, there are no purchases and the response to “but Mom I’ll pay you back when I get home” is “NO.”
Conservation: Leave the lights on or the water running and it’s 50c each offense. It’s not a bottomless pit and our kids need to understand this.
As I re-read this post it seems pretty logical to me. Now to enforce it. Why can’t it ever be as easy at it sounds???
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07.20.08
Posted in Kid's Responsibilities at 9:26 pm by CreditMom
I’ve been posting about my children’s quest to earn moneyto replace their broken RockBand drums. It’s been a bit tough for them since they have been away at camp but this weekend they decided they were going to tackle the issue head on….through allowance. In other words through our money.
So I decided to hear them out. The first twin said he would pick up the dog poop from the yard if I would buy him a pooper scooper. So I said to him, if you behave today, I’ll buy you a pooper scooper (yes I actually did hear those words come out of my mouth and yes there is something wrong with this picture!) But he did behave and off we went to Petco to invest in a $20 extra large sized pooper scooper which believe it or not excited him to no end.
What excited me was his attitude about working and his self motivation. He took it upon himself to wake up early and start his yard chore without any prompting from me. He was so excited that he wanted to show me how much he cleaned up but I passed on that one. I decided to give him allowance every time he does his chores as opposed to once a week so of course he got his allowance today.
The second twin didn’t like my suggestions of setting the table, emptying the dishwasher every night or kitchen clean up (who would like those suggestions? I can’t stand them myself!). So we settled on laundry. This could end up costing more than the allowance in the long run but I decided to take a chance by making sure his first load of laundry consisted of only swim suits and beach towels - can’t do too much damage with that. I posted instructions on the wall and to his credit he followed them precisely. In addition, he had to deliver each basket of laundry into the proper rooms. He also did a great job and got his allowance today as well.
I must say having my twins ask me to buy them things isn’t so bad because every time they ask I just say you can buy it with your own money. When they say they don’t have enough money, I just say work harder…not a bad lesson to learn early on right?
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07.03.08
Posted in Kid's Responsibilities at 9:05 pm by CreditMom
Monday I posted about my twins’ quest to earn money to replace the RockBand drums they broke. They have $36 between them and need roughly $35 more. So, they decided to sell DVDs, video games and CD’s to earn the balance needed. I decided I was not going to remind them about their money making adventure and sit back and see just how motivated they are.
Well, surprise, surprise. Today on their own with no prompting from me, they gathered their items, asked me to make a sign (which I willingly did) and set up a table displaying their items outside our driveway. Since it’s a long holiday weekend I told them it probably wasn’t the best day to sell goods as many people were away and not strolling by as usual. But nevertheless they were determined to get out and sell.
Unfortunately I was correct. The streets were empty and no one stopped by but I told them not to get discouraged, they would have better luck on a non holiday weekend and they should just pack it in for tonight. I worried the lack of business would upset them but in no time they were back to their mischief, as I overheard one of them say in the kitchen, “hey, wanna play catch with this watermelon?”
Well my little bundles of mischief and menace are going to be away in camp for the next couple of weeks but when they return I’m sure they’ll be back out there again and hopefully they’ll have better results. And NO I did not allow them to play catch with a 15 lb watermelon in my kitchen. But I will continue to keep you posted on their countdown to $35.
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07.02.08
Posted in Kid's Responsibilities at 9:13 am by CreditMom
Last week my twins broke their RockBand drums. Since they’re twins we’ll never know who actually did the final damage but I’m used to that, as they have grown up in a world of “we” and “us”. A new replacement set is about $70 and I told them I refuse to pay for it and they would need to buy a new set from their own money or their allowance. I did, however search some of the RockBand posts and found this to be common problem. I mean, come on, they are drums and they are meant to be banged right?
But, nevertheless it’s their game and their responsibility and therefore, their replacement. I must say, they’re pretty resourceful. They searched for replacement drums online and of course came upon Ebay (I know this because one of them said, “Mom, what’s a bid?”). After explaining the bid process I told them the first thing to do is determine how much money they have combined. They got pretty discouraged when the total contents of their wallets came to $36, half of what they need.
It then prompted them to come up with ideas on how to earn the money. The first thing I said was, “how about do your chores so you can get an allowance?” They didn’t like that idea. Oh well, no chores, no allowance. They then decided they would work at Subway making sandwiches. I told them you need to be 16 to work at a store. To that they replied, “but we’re double digits, why can’t we work in a store?” Then they said, “We’ll sell our old sneakers!” I said, “oh sure, they’ll be lining up around the block to buy your dirty smelly sneakers.” They replied, “we’ll put those fabric softener things in them”.
After they told me I was making their lives very difficult, they decided to sell all of their old books, DVD’s, video games and CD’s. I had to coach them a bit on the pricing, as they suggested charging $20 for a 3 year old used video game, but they are determined to sell a bit every day after they return home from camp.
We’ll see how determined they are because I’m not going to push them at all. If they really want those drums, let’s see how creative they get…it’s a good lesson and I’ll keep you posted on their progress!
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06.14.08
Posted in Kid's Responsibilities at 11:56 pm by CreditMom
It seems like every day my husband and I are constantly drilling some sort of message about financial and social responsibility into our boys’ heads. It also seems like every day they just don’t get it. They fight, they forget to clean off the table, leave their dirty clothes on the floor, totally decimate a bathroom and ask us to buy them everything they see on TV.
Well tonight was a true test. We had torrential rain and my husband was not home. Our garage flooded all the way up to the door leading into our house. My 14 year old was down the street at a friend’s house and I was home alone with my 10 year old twins. I immediately called him and he came running home. Quickly and without panicking we worked as a team. My older son assumed the lead and heavy job of making multiple trips carrying the wet vac up the driveway to empty it. My younger boys lifted up the drains and grabbed some brooms and started pushing the water outside. In less than an hour the water was gone and the drains that were previously overflowing were clear.
After we cleaned up I told each of them how proud I was. We worked as a team and every one had different and equally good ideas on how to attack the situation. Even more importantly we all listened and respected each other’s ideas - no one fought for once! So what could have been a disastrous situation ended up being a little glitch in the day.
Later on I gave them a little test. Individually, I asked each of them how much money they felt they earned to clean up the garage. My older one immediately said, “nothing”. The twins both hesitated. One of them said, “$20 but it wouldn’t be right to ask for that so I would say $10 and then he said, well, actually nothing.” The other one said, “you owe us a lot but nah, nothing.”
So what’s the moral of the story? Drilling responsibility and kindness into your children is relentless and tiring work. And most times you don’t even get any instant gratification. But tonight we reaped the benefits of our persistent efforts and I must say not only were we proud of our children but we were also proud of ourselves.
Do you have any similar stories to share about your kids? I would love to hear them.
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