Almost a month ago I posted about my twins’ desire to replace their broken RockBand drums.  I’d love to say they have earned the money for new replacement drums by hard and earnest work but I can’t say that.  Granted they were away in summer sleepaway camp for a month giving them few work opportunities but the urgency is just not there yet.

When I last wrote, one twin was scooping poop and enjoying it while the other was performing more adhoc requests like laundry.  The good news is my poop scooping twin is still scooping (not necessarily enjoying it but I guess given the nature of the job I can’t fault him) and still getting paid.  The bad news is my adhoc twin is still negotiating the chores he would like to do.  The problem is he really doesn’t want to do any chores so he doesn’t have much leverage here.  So one twin is getting an allowance and the other is not.

Here is the fun part.  The scooper twin has enough allowance for his share of the RockBand drums.  Since the adhoc twin hasn’t earned much, he does not have enough money to cover his share.  While in Target, scooper twin asked if we can buy the RockBand drums.  Unfortunately I had to tell him no because his brother did not do his share and perhaps he speak with him and encourage him to get off his butt and start doing something around the house.

Ok, I know what you’re thinking…bad parenting.  I’m pitting one son (twins to make matters worse!) against the other and they’ll be emotionally destroyed for life.  My response is Get a Grip!  Adhoc twin (although I love him dearly) needs a kick in the pants to start thinking and acting responsibly and who better to deliver that message than his now frustrated twin brother – in fact if you listen closely you just might be able to hear the conversation right now.  Kids need to understand consequences and accept responsiblity from an early age.  If we just replace the drums they broke what are we teaching them?  Stay tuned……

All of 3 of our children have cell phones - even the 10 year old twins.  Why did we decide to buy them mobile phones at such a young age?  It’s pretty simple.  We want to be able to contact them at any time.  Call us helicopter parents or over protective.  We really don’t care.  We want to be within earshot of our children whenever they are not home.

So, here are 6 things you should consider before purchasing a cell phone for your child.

1. Cost of Cell Phone - Adding 3 lines to our plan was not cheap. It cost $10 extra per line plus some pretty hefty taxes when added to the family plan.  But this is a good way to tie in allowance and good behavior.  If they don’t do their chores they lose their phones.
2. Added features - Your child likes to text?  Add $10 per month for unlimited text messaging.  Your loved one likes to surf the web, e-mail, download music and games?  The sky is the limit on that one, ranging from a couple of dollars per month to another down payment on a house!  Much to our children’s disappointment we have blocked all web access and digital download applications from their cell phones.  Our teen has unlimited text and the twins have no text at all (if you listen closely you might be able to hear the fighting in our house).
3. Phone Privacy - We immediately listed their phones on the National Do Not Call Registry but it didn’t stop the credit collectors from repeatedly calling our 10 year old because his phone number was originally registered to someone that didn’t like to pay his bills.  Thankfully he didn’t erase the phone numbers and we were able to get his number off of the calling list.   Also, we don’t allow our children to store any personal information (addresses, passwords, locations etc) in their phones in case they are stolen.
4. Safety - Kids and cell phones are a haven for sexual predators who are looking for a receptive chid on the other end. This happened to my friend’s daughter and she was smart enough to not engage in the conversation and not erase the phone number.  Our children answer calls from their contact list only and ignore un-recognizeable and restricted numbers.  We also make sure our chidren do not erase unknown numbers.  In addition, many companies like Verizon offer parental GPS tracking which notifies the parent when their child has left the zone they have pre-programmed.  We haven’t added it so I’m not sure how effective this is but if any one uses it I would love to hear about your experience.
5. Using the Phone in School - This is a really tough one.  Most schools do not allow cell phone usage.  Besides being a distraction and downright rude, the schools do not allow cell phones because some kids use text messaging to cheat on tests, send bullying messages to others and even take unauthorized pictures of other kids in the bathroom. However, our older son takes public transportation to school.  So what do we do?  We allow him to leave his phone on while commuting and he must shut it off when he arrives at school.  Does he listen..NO WAY!  And that would be why the dean once confiscated his phone. Let’s just say life was not very good for him when I got that phone call at work.
6. Responsibility - My favorite.  We learned the hard way about setting ground rules.  Let’s face it, having their own cell phones makes it easier to make phone calls at will.  I don’t know whether it’s independence or novelty but something comes over them when that phone is in hand.  Like the time our 10 year old called his best friend’s house for a play date at 1 AM and his friend’s father automatically started getting dressed because he thought there was an emergency in our house.  Or when we caught our 14 year old doing his homework, reading and sending text messages at the same time.  The good thing is the cell phone is very portable and easy to confiscate for quick (and very meaningful) punishments.

Of course at the end of the day, purchasing a cell phone for your child is a personal decision that may not be right for every one.  Most children want one because it’s cool and certainly not to stay in touch with Mommy and Daddy.  There is a compromise however, and as a working mom with 3 children wanting their independence, it is our well worth it peace of mind.

So what do you think of cell phones for kids? When would you allow the first cell phone and what limitations would you impose?

My son is not getting a nose job any time soon.  Sure, he does want rhinoplasty to fix his nose, which I think looks just fine but NO, it’s not happening.  Why?  Well besides the fact that he’s only 14, has broken it twice (once traveling head first down a water slide and the other time colliding with his brother’s head as they were boxing) and is still immature in physical and mental growth, it’s incredibly expensive.

The cost of medical and dental insurance for our family of 5 per year is $4000.  That does not include out of pocket co pays, prescription and over the counter drugs, gas, tolls, parking, medical supplies and emergency room fees (which are pretty high when you have 3 boys).

Just for kicks, I asked a friend of mine at NewImage.com for the average cost of rhinoplasty.  The rhionplasty surgery itself is roughly $4500 plus operating room fees and anesthesia.  Since my son recently broke his nose we know that anesthesia for 80 minutes was $1800.  So, I’m thinking a round about figure is roughly between $8000 - $10,000 when you factor in all of the above, plus follow up doctor visits and other miscellaneous costs that we never think of when we’re planning.  Let’s not even get into the down time and recovery period.

So what’s a boy to do when he isn’t happy with his nose? 

1. Stop acting reckless - continuing to break your nose is not going to get you a free nose job by insurance standards.  It’s just going to get you one messed up nose leaving you longing for your original less crooked one.
2. Mature - This is perhaps the toughest one.  Start taking responsibility for your body and actions.  Think about the consequences before you enter into a situation.  Boxing your brother?  Did you ever see what a boxer’s nose looks like???? With 3 boys I sometimes think this is an impossibility.
3. Grow Up -  Our plastic surgeon told us that boys need to be at least 16 before he will even consider plastic surgery.  Besides taking into account points 1 and 2 above, their noses are still growing (my son just loved to hear this) and having plastic surgery too early could really harm a child’s nose in the long run.
4. Self Confidence - Ok, I know I’m his mom but I feel my son is a pretty good looking kid and doesn’t need any work done to his face at all.  He needs to stop focusing on his weaknesses and work on his strengths.  I keep telling him when you are self confident you are beautiful but he’s a teen and it’s going to take a while for this to sink in (again see points 1 and 2 above).
5. Get a Job!- If you really feel after all of these steps that you cannot live another minute with your nose, then sorry kid but you’re going to have to cough up some money for it.  Your twin brothers are doing a countdown to their new RockBand drums.  Well, start a countdown to your nose job.  We’re willing to pay for some of it as a combined birthday/holiday gift but we’re not footing the whole thing. 

Any one else have a young teen in the same situation?  What do you advise?

Our 3 boys are very active in team sports.  Our 14 year old swims year round on a swim team and the 10 year old twins play both in baseball leagues and basketball leagues.  Let’s be realistic, they’re probably not going to the Olympics but we seem to spend a lot of money on youth sports.

Take swimming for example.  Now there is a sport that should be relatively inexpensive.  I mean how much does it cost for a Speedo and pair of goggles right?  Actually, the Speedo and goggles are the least of the cost, with pool fees and insurance comprising the majority. 

So here is an annual breakdown of our 3 children’s teams sports.  Keep in mind fees increase as they become older and more competitive.  And, if they decide to play additional sports such as football and hockey this will become exponentially higher.

Swimming:

Swim Team   $2100 Swim Team Membership Sept - June

                       $  270  9 Swimsuits

                        $    60  3 Pair Goggles

                        $2430  Total not including gas to transport to and from meets/practices

 Baseball         $380   Fall/Spring League Fees for 2 kids

                         $ 60    1 Pair per year for 2 kids

                        $440    Total not including equipment start up for 2 kids

(Add another $410 for mitt, bat, batting helmet, chest protector, athletic support and batting gloves.  These items last for a few years).

 Basketball     $100    League Fees for 2 kids

                        $  90    3 Pairs shorts each for 2 kids

                        $  40    1 BB shirt each for 2 kids

                        $100    1 Pair Athletic Sneakers each for 2 kids

                   $330    Total for 2 kids

Total           $3200 Per year for team sports for 3 children

  Here are some tips to cut costs:

1. Shop for end of season bargains on equipment.  It’s amazing what you can find at the end of baseball season.  Buy a size bigger and put it away.
2. Shop and hold garage sales.  Sell your children’s used bats, mitts, etc. and apply that money towards new age appropriate equipment.      
3. Accept hand me downs. Because kids’ feet grow so fast, they outgrow cleats very quickly.  Most kids wear a pair of cleats for only one season and are generally hardly used. 
4. Use league equipment.  Does your child really need his/her own bat and helmet?  The league does provide equipment from donations if you choose to use this option.
5. Carpool to meets/practices especially when they are not local.  With gas over $4 a gallon this can add up.
6. Provide your own snacks and water.  Although it’s much easier to stop at the hot dog cart, this adds up when you’re stopping two to three times per week.  Bring a sandwich and drink and treat your child to something less expensive like an ice cream.
7. Negotiate.  For the most part league fees are what they are but sometimes having multiple children will work in your favor.  It doesn’t hurt to ask.
8. Volunteer.  Become involved.  Number one, it’s a great bonding experience for you and your child and number two, it helps with number 7 (negotiate) above!

I guess we should be happy they haven’t tried out for the football team yet.  How do you minimize cost on your children’s team sports?

My 3 kids came home from summer sleepaway camp on Friday along with their 9 loads of laundry.  My 14 year old’s first statement was, “Mom, how are you going to do all this laundry?”  Without missing a beat I said, “I’m not, YOU are!”  That pretty much put an end to our blissful 4 weeks of relaxation while the kids were in summer camp.

After a month of a clean house, peace and harmony and dining out, my husband and I were quickly snapped back into reality with that one comment.  The twins, while in sleepaway camp, hadn’t slept in the same room in a month so they were already at each other’s throats and my 14 year old immediately became surgically attached to his Mac notebook.

We gave them the weekend to come down from their summer camp high and then we snapped them back into reality with a family meeting last night.  So here is the non-negotiable deal we presented to them.

Chores: Pretty simple: do your designated chores without prompting or you don’t get allowance.  If you don’t get allowance, then on the weekend, when you want to see that movie, there won’t be any money to see it. Oh and by the way, children’s chores do not consist of making beds and wiping down the toilet after use…those fall under responsibilities below.

Responsibilities: Also pretty simple: responsibilities come first, privileges come as a result of responsibilities. You didn’t clean up the kitchen, bathroom or family room?  Well, there’s no TV, no computer, no playing outside and certainly no video games until that’s done.  If you don’t bring your wallet with you, there are no purchases and the response to “but Mom I’ll pay you back when I get home” is “NO.”

Conservation: Leave the lights on or the water running and it’s 50c each offense.  It’s not a bottomless pit and our kids need to understand this.

As I re-read this post it seems pretty logical to me.  Now to enforce it.  Why can’t it ever be as easy at it sounds??? 

I know, the summer is only half over (or half begun for the optimists) but it’s hard not to notice the ads for discount school supplies in the Sunday newspaper.  My 10 year old twins received their 5th grade “suggested school supply list” on their last day of school so it makes it a bit easier to pre-plan back to school shopping for that joyous day in September.

Last night I finally decided to read the list that has been posted on the refrigerator since June.  After my eyes glazed over, I decided I would share this absurdity:

FIFTH GRADE SUGGESTED SUPPLIES - 2008/2009

Loose Leaf Binder
Loose Leaf Paper
Binder Dividers
Reinforcements
Assignment Pad
6 Marble Composition Notebooks
6 Pocket Folders labeled
Number 2 Pencils
Erasers
Blue and Black Pens
Red Pen or Red Pencils for correcting
Highlighters
Pencil Case
Pocket Dictionary
Pocket Thesaurus
Scotch Tape
White Glue or Glue Sticks
Scissors
Ruler
Protractor
Compass
Markers
Crayons
Colored Pencils
Index Cards
3 Book Covers
2 Rolls Paper Towels
1 Box of Tissues
1 Canister of Disinfecting Wipes
1 Bottle of Purell
Book Bag
$6 for Time for Kids Magazine

Aside from the magnitude and cost of this suggested school supply list, the first thing that struck me was the amount of paper they apparently need. Looseleafs, notebooks and folders for paper handouts? How much are these kids writing during the day?  And I don’t mind supplying my children with their own supplies but classroom supplies like paper towels and disinfecting wipes?  Shouldn’t the school supply that?  Next, they’ll be asking for toilet paper. 

Last year, they were required to bring 4 tennis balls with an “x” cut in them.  We live next to a tennis court and have at least 20 tennis balls hit into our yard on a given day.  But I figured this was for a back to school project so I bought 8 (well really 9 since they come in paks of 3) brand new balls.  Little did I know since their classroom was now on the 2nd floor they were to be used as chair leg canisters to prevent the chairs from squeaking when they slid back and forth!  So much for my brand new bright green tennis balls…could have used the dirty ones from the yard.  But my point here is why is that my responsibility?  Shouldn’t the classroom supplies be included in our taxes?

Well, I wish I had a grand total cost to share for the above supplies (and remember since I have twins we need to multiply the list times 2), but since it’s only the beginning of August I would like to enjoy the rest of the summer and keep my mind free from back to school as long as possible. 

I’m not the type to travel from store to store getting in and out of my car and on and off ridiculous lines for discounts - as a full time working mom my time is just more valuable than the $10 I might save. And, that 12c Elmers glue “loss leader” ends up costing you full price on the looseleaf binder any way so what’s the point?  My suggestion, go to Staples and make one trip.  Don’t you agree?

Now back to that absurd “suggested” school supply list…think I’ll put it back on the fridge and enjoy the warm weather while it lasts :).

Friday, the day my kids were to come home from summer camp for the weekend, I lifted a carton containing 12 bottles of club soda and injured my back.  I’ve always suffered from on and off back pain but I knew this time I really pulled some muscles pretty badly.

It is now Monday and I am still in excruciating pain despite 2 trips to a massage therapist, frequent baths, ice and lots of hydrocodone, ibuprofen and muscle relaxers.  So I thought I would write about all of my lost productivity since Friday, with the hopes of putting life into perspective as well as teaching myself a lesson that with 3 strong young boys in the house there is no need for me to be lifting heavy boxes!!!

Cooking - well that went out right along side my back.  I know what you’re thinking and yes, my husband can cook but his pasta has dual use as plaster filler for holes in the walls.  My kids have actually called me in the office begging me to not allow him to cook….ever.  So, delivery it was for 3 days which cost a lot of money.

Driving - Nope, couldn’t do that either.  Between the cocktail of meds I recklessly put in my body, overall discomfort and lack of quick reflexes I thought it best for my entire community that I stay off the roads.  So 3 kids, one driver (that would be my husband, the cook) and lots of plans that had to be revised, adjusted and so on.

Work - not too productive here either.  I typically check emails, blog and tie up open items during my limited alone time over the weekend.  That didn’t happen either.  First, I found it incredibly uncomfortable to sit in one position for more than a minute and second, it was a little hard to focus on anything but sleep due to the pain meds. 

Fun - Was looking forward to some fun time with the kids at the pool this weekend since they go back to camp on Mondays. The fun consisted of me  saying “come sit down next to Mom so we can talk.”  Now that’s just the fun my 3 rambunctious boys were craving rght?  Especially my 14 year old.  Sure mom, there’s nothing I would rather do than sit with you in bed while you are going in and out of a coma.

Well it’s Monday and I couldn’t make it to the office which really made me very angry.  I’m not the type of person that can sit still, I don’t like asking for help and I certainly don’t feel sorry for myself. But I actually slept half the day (all the meds caught up with me) and ended it on a relatively good note.  I’m feeling just a spec better and I had a very productive conference call. The kicker is…I was soaking in the tub during the entire call and no one knew it (except for now I guess)!  Thank goodness I didn’t have a web cam — the things you do to get by.  And now I have been able to sit still long enough to write this post.  It’s the little things in life that I need to stop and appreciate. Any one else have any similar stories to share?

My kids go to a midweek sleepaway camp. They get on the bus Monday morning and come home Friday night.  My 14 year old has been going for 4 years and this year for the first time we sent the 10 year old twins.  We decided to send the twins for only two weeks because we were a bit nervous how one of them would adjust — plus it just costs so much money!

Well, by the 2^nd day the twins called home (they’re allowed daily phone calls…a curse and a blessing at the same time) and asked that we extend their stay for another 2 week session.  Now remember, everything we do is double…well actually triple if you count our 14 year old.  But the 14 year old was staying 5 weeks so how could we say no to 4 weeks for the twins?  I mean isn’t that saying we love the 14 year old more than the twins? (At least, that’s the typical guilt trip they give us).

So my husband and I discussed it and decided to give in and extend camp another 2 weeks.  Now I would love to say we did this out of our undying love for our children and enormous generosity but that would be a complete lie.  We did it because it’s so darn peaceful in our house and we’ve gained back our FREEDOM!  We’ve been going to the beach, dining out and just doing whatever we want when we want….imagine that concept?

During the weekend he was home, my 14 year old said, “I can’t believe you’re sending the twins another 2 weeks.  How much is that costing?”  So when I gave him the figure, he stared in disbelief and said, “How do you guys even make enough money for that?  How do you pay for it?”  At first I was taken aback but then I realized this was a good thing.  After all these years he was finally developing some financial awareness.  

I told him we start paying for next year’s camp the week camp ends this year.  So in August 08, we will begin paying for Summer 09 and we’ll get a discount by signing up early.  We pay the camp fees monthly throughout the year, just like any other expense and when one of us has extra cash we send an extra payment, just so we don’t have to go into credit card debt.  It’s all a matter of budgeting and priorities.

I hope some financial awareness is beginning to settle in and they appreciate this privilege.  But judging from my conversation tonight, I think the only awareness the twins have is self awareness.  In fact, when asked why he didn’t call home last night one of them said, “Because I had nothing to say to you and I was surrounded by girls.”   Oh my…what should we expect when they all come home????

We’re all huge Batman fans in my family so Friday morning I purchased 5 tickets from moviefone.com for the evening show of the Dark Knight.  It cost us $100.50 for a 2 1/2 hour movie.  Don’t get me wrong, the movie was awesome.  We all loved it, in fact we all would actually see it again…well, if we didn’t have to pay for it!

So here is the cost breakdown of our little family Friday night treat:

Movie tickets (2 adults, 3 children, $1 ea online surcharge):    $50.50

4 Popcorns                                                                                $24.00

1 Candy                                                                                     $ 4.50

5 Sodas                                                                                     $17.50

Parking                                                                                      $ 4.00

GRAND TOTAL                                                                         $100.50

Gone are the days of the drive in movie when your parents used to pack you into the car in pajamas and make you hide under the blanket in the back seat so they wouldn’t have to pay for you.  Gone are the prices too!  At today’s prices you have to be really selective in the movies you choose.  How does any one afford to take their family to the movies these days?

I’ve been posting about my children’s quest to earn moneyto replace their broken RockBand drums.  It’s been a bit tough for them since they have been away at camp but this weekend they decided they were going to tackle the issue head on….through allowance.  In other words through our money.

So I decided to hear them out.  The first twin said he would pick up the dog poop from the yard if I would buy him a pooper scooper.  So I said to him, if you behave today, I’ll buy you a pooper scooper (yes I actually did hear those words come out of my mouth and yes there is something wrong with this picture!)  But he did behave and off we went to Petco to invest in a $20 extra large sized pooper scooper which believe it or not excited him to no end.

What excited me was his attitude about working and his self motivation.  He took it upon himself to wake up early and start his yard chore without any prompting from me.  He was so excited that he wanted to show me how much he cleaned up but I passed on that one.  I decided to give him allowance every time he does his chores as opposed to once a week so of course he got his allowance today.

The second twin didn’t like my suggestions of setting the table, emptying the dishwasher every night or kitchen clean up (who would like those suggestions?  I can’t stand them myself!).  So we settled on laundry.  This could end up costing more than the allowance in the long run but I decided to take a chance by making sure his first load of laundry consisted of only swim suits and beach towels - can’t do too much damage with that.  I posted instructions on the wall and to his credit he followed them precisely.  In addition, he had to deliver each basket of laundry into the proper rooms.  He also did a great job and got his allowance today as well.

I must say having my twins ask me to buy them things isn’t so bad because every time they ask I just say you can buy it with your own money.  When they say they don’t have enough money, I just say work harder…not a bad lesson to learn early on right?